the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i dont even know how to be here
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
