sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
