He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
