Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
what day is it and did you see me today?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
