We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
