My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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