So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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