..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
