Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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