Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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