now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and she was petting her beer can
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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