What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
