I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
