After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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