I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize