he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
