I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
