I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize