I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
