Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
