How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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