You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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