I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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