You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
