until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
