before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize