You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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