i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
