She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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