i just had sex bonerless
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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