marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
