zippers are such a cool invention
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
