He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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