There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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