Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
