i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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