get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
