it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
