The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize