Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How does it feel to date your dad?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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