Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
