I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
