I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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