She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
