you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize