i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
