i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
