ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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