i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
