like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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