Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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