dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
