Fuck appropriateness.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
