i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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