my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize