I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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