thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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