I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize