My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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